CONFESSIONS OF A PREGNANT WOMAN

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I’ve been going back and forth with myself about if I should write a post about this or not, but when I am feeling particularly low or feel deeply detached from myself – it makes me want to share what I am feeling and have been feeling for months now. There is so much polished & preened pregnancy chat out there in the world, making some of us feel inferior or ashamed if we are doing anything other than ‘enjoying the pregnancy’. It makes me want to put my two cents out there, because it just might help another woman going through the same thing, feel like she’s not alone.

 

E X C I T E M E N T

As of yesterday I am now 22 weeks pregnant, It has flown by but at the same time I feel like I have such a long way to go too. Before I get more into depth about everything, I want to preface by saying that I am SO excited to have my little girl – Since feeling her moving around and kicking I have felt so much better about the experience as it instantly reminds you why you are going through all of this and it helps you feel connected to your future baby.

Even though I’ve experienced many negative thoughts during pregnancy, it in no way means i’m not happy to be pregnant and to be having a baby, which I feel gets confused by people when you (god forbid) share anything negative. It almost feels like taboo not to be loving every second.

 

 

P R E – N A T A L  D E P R E S S I O N

Before I was pregnant, I had never even heard of pre-natal depression, only post. Pre-natal depression affects one in 10 women which is a hell of a lot, and When I first started experiencing it I thought I was actually going mad, I didn’t understand why I felt so extremely low – ‘Don’t all pregnant women glow inside and out, feel AMAZING and are bubbly and happy little goddesses for 9 months?’ I was tricked thought.

Why isn’t this talked about?

I have been raking my brain for months – It started for me during my first trimester and still affects me now, it creeps up on me when I least expect it and usually lasts for a few days. I haven’t suffered from any type of depression until now and I have a newfound understanding and respect for anyone struggling with it. Don’t confuse this with ‘typical pregnancy hormones’ I get to stages of not wanting to be here anymore, having no motivation to do anything, not even stand up. I feel like life is completely pointless and that there is no point in anything. I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to exist.

After researching these feelings I realised that this was indeed Pre-natal depression and not just normal pregnancy hormones. I would explain it as a heaviness of the self and as if a part of my soul is just…dead. I wouldn’t be putting it this bluntly but this is honestly how it feels for me.

What helps me is in a large part my Fiancé Jason, who has suffered and fought depression himself and so knows the best ways to conquer it. The first thing I try to do is to get out of the house. Get out of the solitude and the same thought processes.

I write a to-do list, even if I won’t do anything on it straight away it gives me somewhere to start for something to do and to distract myself with. Otherwise, I am still looking for ways to help with it and I just try to go easy on myself while I am feeling that way.

 

I M A G E

What feels like such a superficial and selfish thing to be worried about during pregnancy in my eyes, isn’t. Self-image is a huge part of identity, comfort and confidence in women and even though i’ve received countless comments brushing off my anxiety over my changing image and style since being pregnant, I don’t believe women should be silenced on the topic or be made to feel like they’re ‘not allowed’ to mourn everything they’ve ever known about their appearance and in a large part, who they are.

In a perfect world I wouldn’t give a damn about my physical appearance changing as the inner me is all that matters but unfortunately thats not the case for me! Not in an egotistical way, but more that confidently getting dressed in the morning, knowing what works for me in my skincare routine and being able to workout and sculpt my body were all things that made me really happy on a daily basis.

You KNOW that your body is going to change within these 9 months but I think for many women, you’re still not 100% prepared for the immense difference and in so many different ways.

For me the discomfort isn’t in my belly getting bigger but it’s the rest of my body I have grown uncomfortable with, so ‘wearing tighter clothes to highlight the bump’ doesn’t really help me as it also highlights the rest of my body too.

I’m hoping that over time I will just find the right clothes to dress the bump and myself but these are some confessions about how i’ve been feeling about my ever-changing image and it’s something i’m sure many other women struggle with too.

 

I D E N T I T Y

Without making this post way too long-winded, I wanted to mention identity as it’s something that can feel like a distant/unreachable concept as soon as you announce pregnancy. On one hand it is so heartwarming and comforting for people to be so happy about your pregnancy and then on the other, it seems that some people (unknowingly) start to disregard you as your own person as more and more your bump is referred to before yourself.

I’m still Sam, not just a ‘mum’ now! I have never in my life wanted to just be identified as a mum – It is an amazing title to have & share with my existing self, but just because I am popping out a human doesn’t mean that everything I live and breathe will be about that human.

I still have the exact same interests as before. The only thing that has already changed and will probably change even more are some of my morals, my sense of what really is important in life and also financial goals and aims.

 

T H E  L I G H T

After all of this more negative chat, I wanted to share a few things that make me feel happy and that lift me out of a bad mind-frame to feel hopeful and jolly about being pregnant – that feeling thats a bit closer to the distorted media idea of a ‘pregnant woman’.


  • Buying small bits and bobs ready for the baby’s arrival and looking around baby shops
  •  Chatting to other mums about motherhood and what their birth was like
  • Sitting and feeling baby kick and move. One of the best feelings i’ve ever experienced in the world
  • Scans and hearing baby’s heartbeat
  • Planning baby’s nursery/room
  • Finding clothing that makes me feel like myself and that makes me feel confident
  • Chatting, predicting and laughing about what we are about to experience as new parents
  • Cooking
  • Pampering – Painting my nails, getting my eyelashes done or having a massage
  • Using pregnancy apps to find out what is happening every day with your pregnancy – I find it fascinating and again, it makes it feels much more real & grounding



I hope this post can help any mums-to-be out there who might be finding pregnancy a little harder than they anticipated.
Don’t get me wrong, there are lots of parts of the pregnancy I find amazing, but I feel like those parts are talked about enough.

I’ll be back soon with a bit more of a fashion-focused post 😉

Sammi x

 

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  • Wow Sammi, what a wonderful and thought provoking post. I can imagine it must have taken you ages to put all these thoughts down onto paper, so to speak. Although I’m not pregnant, I can imagine this will help an awful lot of women and even more in years to come – you’re right, it’s such a glorified topic that feeling any thing other than elation can sometimes seem frowned upon, which isn’t right at all.

    You do look beautiful and your style has remained bloody amazing throughout, keep doing all those lovely little things which make you happy <3

    I've followed you for years and don't think I've ever left such a long comment!

    Harriet x

    P.S. Loving this new blog layout too!

  • Firstly let me start by saying thank you so much for sharing and I believe many other women like me can truly relate.
    My sweet little girl is now 9 months old 🙂 , however my pregnancy last year was the hardest experience I ever went through in my life. I suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum (severe morning sickness) & pelvic girdle pain (PPGP) and I was in and out of the hospital, therapy and all sorts. Throughout my pregnancy I felt low and depressed many times and at first I was afraid to talk to anyone about it, typically because there is this perception by many that pregnancy is suppose to be all happy and glowing all the time. Reality is ever woman’s mind and body is different and once I learned to accept that, it helped to take my journey day by day and make the best of what I was going through.
    I wish you all the best, you can do it, stay strong!!!!!
    Much Luv Tammi x

    • Eli m

      I suffered of hyperemesis gravidarum, panic attacks, severe prenatal depression, and horrible restless leg syndrome! I was 129 when I got pregnant and 111 when I gave birth…I was the most awful horrifying thing I have ever been through! Matter of fact…pregnancy was so horrible for me, that I decided to not go through it again. I knew by my 20th week of pregnancy that I would not have another child. I just couldn’t imagine living through that again…while taking care of my daughter. My daughter is my world but I’m very content with my only child. My precious little girl (Faith Elisabeth).

      • Anonymous

        I just read Sam’s post after finding out I was pregnant. I also suffered from HG and depression, it was so severe I went from 120lbs to 100lbs, was in and out of the ER and hospitalization, and was terrified for mine and the baby’s life. I wasn’t strong enough to continue the pregnancy, but hearing that other’s have struggled with the same thing as well makes me feel less alone.

      • Erin

        It’s nice to know others who haven’t had totally fluffy pregnancies! Thankyou Sam for being so open and honest, good luck with the final months! The end is near, even if it doesn’t feel like it! Can’t wait to hear you’ve had her! (And find out her name!) You will both be great parents.

        I too had hyperemesis. It was 9 months of hell. I was either trying to sleep, on the floor of the bathroom vomiting or in hospital. I couldn’t even brush my teeth without being sick. After battling for months I was admitted for the last time to hospital at 33 weeks. They gave me steroids and started tube feeding me. I was so mal nourished my body was shutting down, liver was struggling and hands going blue. They had planned to induce me at 37 weeks but I started showing signs of early pre eclampsia and was induced at 36 weeks. 2 hours of labour, 7 minutes of pushing and my beautiful boy was here. To me, pregnancy was awful. I lost 32kg, hair, skin And nails were dry and gross, my teeth damaged. I love my boy and being a mum is the best thing in the world, but I’m never doing that again!

  • You’re an amazing woman Sammi, although i’m not pregnant its so lovely to hear such a true and honest opinion x

  • Deborah G

    Thanks so much for posting this Sam. It’s like you literally described everything I’ve been feeling recently! I’m 15 weeks & I’ve always wanted to me a mum but most days I’m just reaaally not feeling it – and then it makes me even more sad dwelling on my current feelings as I always expected to love being pregnant. Thank you for using your voice to let other women know how real this can be even though I wish it wasn’t the case for you.

    Thanks for posting things that cheer you up! I haven’t had the guts to go baby shopping yet as I’m just so scared something might go wrong (I have had a few miscarriages) but I think I’ll get the courage soon!

    Lots of love

  • Casandra

    I love this post! I think it’s important to talk about stuff like this. Thank you for sharing 🙂

  • Nele

    Congrats Sammy on being so brave! I can only imagine the pressure to be happy, bubbly and grateful and I am very sorry that you have to go through pre-natal depression. It doesn’t sound fun. Let me tell you that I think you are doing great. It takes a lot to be so clear about your feelings and to analyze them.
    I am sure that other woman with pre-natal depression will benefit from your post!

    Looking forward to see you in all your facets. xo Nele

  • Loved this post sam! So honest and true to you!

    http://www.lcnda.com

    xo

  • Beth

    Hi Sammi,
    I just wanted to say how brave you are to post this and think it is something that is not shared enough with anyone let alone expectant mothers, I am 23 and currently 12 weeks pregnant with my second child but when I was pregnant with my first I suffered very heavily with prenatal depression to the point I didn’t leave the house for 4 weeks, I had suffered from an eating disorder in my teens and completely agree with everything you have written here and spoken about in your videos and on snapchat, luckily so far I haven’t suffered at all so just wanted to say that things do get better and having a child is the most amazing thing… That’s why most of us do it more than once! I hope you begin to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and some of the perks that come along with it as I don’t think many of us take enough advantage of them.
    Love
    Beth x

  • Ida

    This is a fantastic, honest post which I really applaud. I have suffered similar feelings not through pregnancy but in the past through the workplace (working in fashion the struggle is real!). I encourage us all to talk about our feelings, not to feel we have to sugar coat things (which is exceedingly difficult in the blogosphere I know!) and to also be aware when someone just needs to talk and express how they are feeling without being judged. Again I think this post is fantastic and I wish you all the best for the remainder of your pregnancy. Trust me, you’re wearing it well. ?

  • Hi, I am so sorry to say I was someone that replied to one of your tweets when you said you were feeling low and feeling ‘fat’. I just want to apologise as I commented that you should be focused on the pregnancy, not what you look like. For that I’m sorry as I didn’t even take the time to think that perhaps it was deeper than just having a ‘fat day’.

    I have had two pregnancies, the first ended sadly but the second resulted in my beautiful daughter. As you can imagine I spent most of my second pregnancy terrified but I also spent a lot of time focusing on what I was enjoying about it and picturing life with my daughter. I read a lot about mindfulness and I highly recommend reading up on it and practising it to get through the tough bits.

    Motherhood can be very lonely so it is great that you are already speaking up about how you feel. You will definitely get your identity back and an even better one as a mum, it just takes a little time to get in your groove. Give yourself time to do this and don’t be too hard on yourself.

    As for struggling with clothes I found maternity dungarees to be a godsend and lived in them. They skimmed my bump, looked cute and didn’t cut into bump when I sat down.

    Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. Now is the time of your life to do what is best for you (and your growing family) so ignore any hate, criticism and don’t let people tell you to be or feel or certain way. Once again I’m so sorry for my thoughtless comment in the past.

    • McKirsty

      Hi Ruth – I just wanted to say how kind and how brave of you to own up to making a comment you no longer agree with and apologise for it. I am positive absolutely all of us have said something flippantly that we later come to regret, but very few of us take the time to actually retract it, and certainly not publicly. You’re a very good person!

  • Millie Holdsworth

    You’ve been one of my favourite, if not favourite bloggers/youtubers for a few years now and this post confirms exactly why that is- you’re inspiring, brave and real! Loads of love x

  • Viviane

    Honestly sam I’ll so glad you made this post, unfortunately not every woman gose thru pregnancy loving every moment. For me it wasn’t really the pregnancy that got me down but my mother in law who constantly accused me of being “weak” after I had my daughter, mind you I had a 4 year old to take care of as well. Being exhausted wasn’t an option for me in her perspective. The “body shaming” came after. Surrounding your self with positive people who care about you and your well being is a must after pregnancy and in life. I truly wish u the best Sami and know that your not alone in this. Xoxo V.

  • Sonia H.

    Sam,

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this. I will admit – I am nowhere near the point in my life at which one seriously considers having children, BUT everything you just talked about has been on my mind for years. No one gives enough credit to how truly difficult it is to deal with pregnancy/birth-related depression (and as someone who has had depressive episodes, I won’t be surprised if I end up with pre- and/or post-natal depression), huge physical changes to the body you’ve grown accustomed to (and hopefully grown confident in), and the push and pull of being a mother and just being the person you’ve always been. Personally, I can also add to this list my fear of the relationship with my future husband falling apart following the arrival of children, fear of that future man being unable to empathize with me and support me through pregnancy, birth, etc., and fear of that future man no longer finding me attractive (which I am slightly ashamed to admit is the one that scares me the most). I think what I really appreciate about what you’ve written is that you are not only giving credit where credit is due with respect to explicitly describing the struggles you and so many pregnant women have, but you are also saying that that doesn’t mean that you’ve screwed up by deciding to have children or that you’re somehow not fit for this. As I’ve said, I’m a long way away from deciding to have children, and as of right now, I don’t know that I will – maybe it’s for me, maybe it isn’t. However, I really appreciate knowing that someone who is actually pregnant right now has validated my fears and reassured me that I’m not the only one who sees these things and that there is a bright side to all of it (well duh, but you get my point).

    Wishing you the best for your pregnancy and birth, your future marriage, your career, and most of all, your personal journey through life,

    Sonia <3

  • Thanks Sam for the honesty and authenticity because at the end of the day, that’s all you have x

  • Colline

    Hi Sammi,

    I just got your snap chat update that you were going to be posting this so I can on here straight away. I just have to start by saying how so brave you are and how refreshing it is to hear someone talk about some of the not so positive parts of pregnancy that are not talked about enough.

    Though I haven’t been going through some of the things you are, being 30 weeks pregnant myself I can most definitely relate on the image and identity topics you mentioned. I don’t think one can prepare for the way your body changes and this is something I have struggled with. Comments from strangers and some family don’t help either. I have had comments early on in my pregnancy on how big I was for just 14 weeks to now having comments on how small my belly is for 30 weeks and questions on whether or not I am eating enough.

    Thank you for sharing your experiences as they are still a lot of women out there who suffer in silence and can never be as brave as you have been. I am sure this will help someone out there.
    Good luck with the rest of your journey. Do look after yourself and always remember even though no days are the same, there is always that light at the end of the tunnel and you will be holding your baby girl very soon xx

  • Gemma Allen

    What a beautiful and inspiring post Sammi. Completely agree that it is not talked about enough and it is so important so I’m really glad you have made it more public and accessible, it should not be a taboo!! As for you, I really hope you start to feel better within yourself. If it is any constellation, you do look beautiful and glowing as always! I still see as you as my go-to fashion and style icon and you will always be Sam alongside being a wonderful mother. Keep smiling and I can’t wait to see you and your baby girl on your channel! xx

    • Gemma Allen

      Whoops! I mean consolation not constellation

  • Kate

    First of all I want to say well done for putting up this post. It is so great to be able to read something so honest, raw and real. One day I am hoping to be a mum and reading something like this helps in case I was to go through the same thing too. It is so highly advertised this ‘perfect glowing pregnancy’ that no one realises that there can be so much more. I don’t know if you have seen ‘what to expect when you’re expecting’ but that shows how pregnancy effects individual people.

    I hope you start to feel a little better over the next few days

    xox

  • Justine

    It think is so important for new moms to talk openly about these things. I have 2 little girls who I love more than anything, but I never loved being pregnant. I felt like a stranger in my own body and I was the type of pregnant person who just expanded everywhere. I felt afraid that saying I didn’t like it meant that I wasn’t thankful for my baby or for getting to experience pregnancy, but I think it’s far more normal than we realize. I never really comment on things but I know it can be nice to hear you aren’t alone. Wishing you all the best in the rest of your pregnancy.

  • Anonymous

    Wow, so much love and admiration for this post xx

  • SOPHIE HUGUET

    Just thanks ! <3

  • I think it’s very brave of you to actually talk about this. I’m not pregnant but will hopefully be one day and I have never thought sbout pregnancy like it’s 9 months of pure bliss. My sister is currently 35 weeks pregnant and she is going through her own hell. I think people, especially men, need to understand women more when it comes to pregnancy. It’s not easy just because so many women have gone through it or because you’re growing a life inside you. I hope you feel better later on in your pregnancy and I wish you all the best. Thank you Sammi for writing this post! xx

  • Marian

    Hi Sammi,

    About what you mentioned about identity. I think its a good thing that you feel that way and want to remain your own person and not only a mum. I think, in time, your daughter will think a lot more highly of you and be inspired by your interests, independence and inner strength. Some women live to be mums and feel complete when they have children, and that’s great, but there’s always the flip side. You’re happy with who you are now and your daughter will be a great addition to your live. your relationship with your child will be better if you have more interests outside of motherhood and you can bring her alone for the ride. About your figure… You have plenty of time to sort that out, I wouldn’t let that get you down.

    Marian.

  • I will just start out by apologizing for my english, I’m not native, obviously. Well, now when that’s out of the way – THANK YOU SAMMI. I’m pregnant as well, it’s my first ever child and I’m in week 18. And I can totally relate to what you’re saying. This pregnancy haven’t been easy on me either. I was ill the whole first trimester, I couldn’t keep a single thing down, and water was just the worst. One sip and I was throwing myself over the toilet puking over and over. It was draining. And not at all how I had imagined pregnancy to be like. It’s easy to believe that pregnancy is all about the glam and glow. Because that’s pretty much the only thing we hear about it. How amazing everything is. But not for all of us. So this post is exactly what I needed to hear. I’ve also been depressed these weeks. Feeling like shit, crying over nothing, been in countless arguments with my boyfriend, had thoughts about how meaningless everything is, just been so low and I’ve felt so darn tired pretty much all the time! It’s starting to get a bit better. But yeah, I hear you about the body-image thing. Everyone says that it’s not a big deal and all, but no, it’s hard to see your body change. I’ve felt ugly and fat and just not myself. I’m really happy about this pregnancy, don’t get me wrong. But sometimes it’s healthy to air it all out. So thank you Sammi, I know what you mean and I’m glad you talked about it! xoxo Rebecka – http://www.nouw.com/Hellofebruary

  • Kylie

    Wow. That was so honest and amazing to read! I’m not even pregnant and I found this amazing ?! Hope this helps other women who are suffering too!

  • Emily

    This post is fantastic! My partner and I were talking about time frames for trying to start a family and one of my points was fear and being selfish. But people don’t seem to accept a fear of loosing myself to being a mum or giving up a body I’ve only just become comfortable with as a reason to postpone trying for a family. At 23 I don’t feel like I’m ready to give up my relatively care free existance. Thank you for sharing a pregnancy story that isn’t extremely intimidating. I might be surprised but if I’m lucky enough to have a baby I feel like pregnancy won’t be a walk in the park for me and as someone who already has a mental health problem I don’t think it will be all happiness and joy. It’s so refreshing to see someone I admire willing to share that not all women have the best time of their life whilst pregnant.

    Thank you!

  • Preggo Girl

    Great post Sam! I’m due next week (absolutely sh****g myself!) Had a really tough pregnancy – sick everyday since 4 weeks, anaemic, low b12, low platelets, severe dehydration, high blood pressure, erratic heart rate, pneumonia, sepsis, long hospital stays! All whilst working a full time, stressful job! Properly making use of the NHS! When people say to me ‘it’s so exciting isn’t it!! Ahhh being pregnant is so beautiful!’ I feel like saying, ‘no actually – it’s fu***** horrendous and terrifying and to be honest I don’t know why I ever thought it would be a good idea!’ Don’t get me wrong, I want a baby and I will love our little bundle more than anything else. But I want me back. I want my husband back and I want my life back. Being pregnant is really hard – your vlogs and posts have really helped me as you keep it real. None of this ‘hippy sh**’ as I call it. Keep on going and you will get through. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is much smoother and you start to feel radiant – I’m still waiting 🙂 Good luck! xoxox

  • Adam

    My wife sent me a link to this, she is an avid follower of yours and is also 16 weeks pregnant. I can’t tell you how much this has helped me! my wife has at times in the pregnancy felt many of the things you have described but hasn’t always been able to put it in to words. I’m sure there are many other expectant dads out there who would really benefit from reading your words as it will help them connect and empathise with their partner. Thanks and I promise I will now pay more attention when my wife is playing your vlogs. Take care.

    • Britt

      Oh, Adam, if only all dad’s to be were as tuned in as you are! Just wanted to say how much your post to Sam made me smile. You are a peach, and paying attention to your wife, reading and watching what she’s interested in and trying to help her through this amazing and horrifying time is so great. It will get better. It may not be soon, it may not be until after the baby is born. But your relationship will be better for it forever. Best to you both, I hope her spirits rise as things move along and your baby’s arrival is filled with joy. Many blessings to the three of you. And you too, Sam!!!

  • Cat

    Aww sam I do hope everything in your pregnancy improves for you. I have suffered with general depression on and off for years so can understand how you feel- although I don’t have a baby. I was pregnant once but lost it at 7 weeks. I was during that period through the lowest mentally I have ever ever been. I was very suicidal and lonely, my partner at the time was not like your Jason and only added to my sad feelings. I really hope you feel better in your self and remain positive that you will have a lovely baby girl at the end of it all. Lots of love to u all X

  • Eli

    Sammi thank you so much for this post! It is like someone heard my thoughts and wrote them down!! I am 16 weeks and till now I have experienced an awful hyperemesis, I lost 7 kilos! My psychology the last days is not the best, I have so much ups and downs. One moment I feel happy and the other I get so sad and worried thinking so negative things that my heart starts beating very fast and I feeling that I will faint!! I hope Sam you feel better that there are other women that dont feel good and not feel bad about yourself. I feel so much better now that you talked about that because I was suffering inside and not talking with anyone else about what I am experiensing! I know that there will be again moments that I feel so sad and anxius for many things but reading your post and sharing things will make me feel better. Sorry for my english.
    Kisses from Greece!

  • Emily

    I enjoy evey bit of this post Sam. I’m not a mum but I can relate because my friend is 8month pregnannt and she’s feeling the same exact way you are feeling.

  • Natasha

    Hi Sam,

    Really enjoyed reading your blog. I have 6 month old twin boys and can totally relate to everything you have written about. Many women have these feelings but don’t share them and putting it out there and talking about it is what we all need.

    I love being a mum but I miss my old life and my old body so much, but I just have to sit back and put everything into perspective. We are growing and bringing life into the world and when your baby looks at you she’s not going to care what you are wearing or if you’ve washed your hair that morning. You problem will loose your identity along the way of becoming a mother but you will find it again and it will be better than before!

    Wishing you a healthy pregnancy

    Natasha xxx

  • Thank you Sam!
    Having someone I’ve admired for a long time sharing their pregnancy experience is so wonderful. I love that it is so honest too. It has inspired me to share a bit of mine.
    I’m 27 years old and 30 weeks along in my first pregnancy and have been struggling with some of this stuff as well.
    Having to adjust to not having caffeine (my doctor’said request) was a huge change for me. As an avid coffee/tea drinker caffeine was one of my biggest motivators. Add that to the fatigue I felt early pregnancy and I didn’t want to do anything. Talking to people in public became kind of hard again for me, which was terrible cause the two jobs I was working at the time both required me to do so.
    My lack of appetite in the first trimester and lack of drive to do anything cause me to stop cooking, which I love. The smell of cooking meat was so gross to me that I pretty much swore it off the first trimester.
    My skin broke out so much during my first and second trimesters, which was annoying, but on my good skin days I found myself reaching for makeup with a lighter coverage (which I’ve rarely done since I started wearing makeup) and really feeling good about it!
    Having to re-learn how to dress my body and still feel good about it was a tough process. It took me until I was 24 or so to start feeling confident in my appearance. Being able to express myself through the way I dressed was a big part of that confidence and my identity. I wasn’t feeling like myself at all the first time I went shopping for clothes. I even had a mini meltdown in the dressing room. But once I did start to understand how to dress my new body I started to feel confident again.
    I’ve delt with depression for majority of my life including this pregnancy. I feel like it has been a blessing though being pregnant because for the first time I’ve had a real reason to not turn to substances or self harm to cope with it. My baby matters more to me than the selfish ways I used to deal with depression. I’ve been coping with it in healthy ways. Much like you I have been making myself just do something like making a to do list, or just going somewhere to get out of my solitude. If I can offer one piece of advice to anyone struggling with depression (Prenatal or otherwise) it is that giving in to that voice that is telling you to stay in bed and cry is the worst thing you can do. Just tell it “No” and do something!
    The biggest thing I’ve taken away from it is to find the things you love about pregnancy, not stress about the rest, and always look forward to the end goal: having a beautiful new baby and starting an amazing new chapter to life!

  • Alex Moore

    Even though I’m not pregnant Sam I just wanted to say this is an extremely inspiring post, and also very brave. It is always covered up and never spoke about how some women (probably most) experience feeling like this during pregnancy, and as it’s such a taboo subject people automatically think that you’re not grateful you’re having a baby. In this day and age it seems ridiculous, but what you have wrote shows the true side of pregnancy and people need to realise that! Well done and thank you for sharing your feelings, this will be an eye opener for many readers! P.s I watch your YouTube all the time and read your blog, you’re an amazing down to earth woman, stay true to yourself 🙂 you’re going to be a fabulous mum 🙂 lots of love from Manchester xx

  • Izzy Fletcher

    I am not a mum myself but I follow your social media and watch your videos and I feel that when I am your age I will be very similar to you (I aspire to be) and as much as I want a child, pregnancy really scares me for the same reasons, also worries my child will go though things I’ve been through that have really effected my life and childhood. Remember it’s only temporary and will be worth it in the end. I hope you continue to find ways to deal with the shit that is mental fuckery, because it is… Fucking shit. WE ALL LOVE YOU SAMMI

  • Shani

    hi sammi!
    it’s so comforting to know that other people feel that way as well. i’m turning 27 next month, almost finished med school and married for a year now, so everybody keep hinting (and blatantly saying) that i should be having a baby right around now. i just can’t see it. i can’t imagine my whole life suddenly being about someone else. maybe that selfish and maybe that’s just being honest 🙂

    thank you for the post!

  • YES. Thank you. I’ve been writing about my experience for the past 9 months. I could go into labor any day now, and I’m thrilled to have had the good fortune to conceive, but it has not been an easy time. It upsets some people when you say that you’re not enjoying pregnancy, because they confuse it with being ungrateful, which is not the case at all. It’s just a huge change physically and mentally. I’m glad you’re coping with it a bit better now. Keep being yourself and hang in there! ♡Lauren

  • Lauren

    Although I am not pregnant and never have been I think it’s great that you’ve chosen to share the not so great parts of pregnancy with everyone. I have suffered from depressive episodes in the past and can only imagine how hard it would be accompanied with pregnancy when you have to take care of yourself not only for you but for your baby. I’m glad that you have Jason to look after you as I couldn’t have made it through my low periods without the support of my partner. I hope that you read all these positive comments and they let you know that your not alone in your feelings and that you have a massive amount of support behind you x

  • Deanna Pilcher

    Thank you for sharing such a real account. This needs to be spoken about more so women can be honest about how pregnancy makes them feel and that pregnancy is in no way a walk in the park. Also try the app baby buddy if you haven’t already. It’s the only app that certified by the Royal College of Midwives amongst other official organisations.

  • Lauren

    What a great post Sam! Thank you so much for sharing! I had NO IDEA this was a thing. And I’m 100% sure you’ll help women with sharing your story! Hell, maybe even me in the future when I’m expecting. I’m only 20 years old now and single lol but it’s great to learn about this! You’re entiteld to feel the way you feel. Don’t think you can’t feel a certain way because “you’re expecting and you should be happy” blabla. It takes courage to feel your feelings and learning to deal with it! Wish you the best of luck and love!! ❤️ Thanks again for sharing this with us!

  • Britt

    Sam – my heart goes out to you, Jason and Baby Girl Samson (SAMantha, jaSON). I think it’s fantastic you are sharing your real thoughts on your experience. Pregnancy sure isn’t all excitement and gorgeous half naked photo ops. It’s so much about your transformation as a woman. You are becoming a whole new person, it will be difficult. Normally we have years to transform ourselves, a little at a time, into our new selves (teen to adult, young adult to career woman, etc). But pregnancy is an instant transformation with so many pressures, from the media, from your girlfriends, your mom(s), your family, your subscribers, yourself, and your baby girl, too. My daughter is 9 years old now but your post brought me right back to those first two trimesters. I wasn’t always happy either. It was very isolating in general and I learned to cherish my alone time with my baby. Wondering, worrying, sleeping, being quiet together. No one understands but her; she is feeling all of this with you and she was meant to be YOUR daughter. I hope you are talking to your doctor or midwife about all of this, it must be so disappointing to have these feelings since no one talked about them much. But I am so glad you are the strong and amazing woman you are, and such a beautiful and honest person for young women to look to. Prayers that your mood improves (and it WILL, eventually). When all I could see was my belly, my big old booty seemed fine in proportion. 🙂 Give yourself time, sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Thank you for sharing such a personal and important story. Much love.

  • Bhurstchick

    Hi Sammi! I just wanted to thank you for posting this. I had my daughter 12 years ago (yikes!!) and went through similar feelings and it was my husband who helped me. You are not alone feeling like this. Talking about it does help as does distracting yourself. During the beginning of my pregnancy I had “morning” sickness all day… Good times ? As well as gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia. In the end it’s all worth the beautiful baby that you get to raise, teach, hold hands with, cuddle and just love unconditionally. My daughter just turned 12 August 4, she has been diagnosed with epilepsy at age 3, but we don’t let that stop her from going after what she wants She will be testing for her blackbelt in taekwondo in December and she has grown into a strong,confident, fierce young lady!
    As I watch you and Jason’s story unfold, it reminds me a bit of mine and my husbands. We’ve been together for 22 years. We had some bumps in the road but in the end we always knew we had each other
    Stay as happy, healthy, strong and as beautiful as you are (both inside and out)!

  • Jessica

    First I’ll just say congrats on your little girl! I’m sure you and your fiancé are overly excited for her arrival.
    I know I was excited when I found out I was going to be a mom to a litte girl. I experienced depression during my first trimester and maybe a little in the second. I never knew there was a name for it. What you are describing is the same thing I was experiencing: not wanting to get up, not motivated to do anything, etc. It does pass and it does get better. What helped me was distracting myself with friends, books, and movies. I also struggled with my image during pregnancy. You know things are going to change but what you don’t know is what, where, and when. Besides the obvious belly, my legs and face changed quite a bit. I hated that my legs and face were fatter. I didn’t know what to wear because I wanted to be comfortable, but yoga pants just made my legs look bigger. And jeans…no way I was wearing those. I never wanted to take pictures because of how my face looked…which I regret now. So my advice…take as many pictures. You’ll want to remember this time…whether you believe it or not. My little girl is 8 months old now and she’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. I hope you and Jason have the same joy. Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy as much as possible. That was something I wish I learned how to do more. Thanks for sharing your experiences Sammi!

  • Lydia

    This is so amazing Sam! You use your voice to talk about something so real and that’s so inspiring! I myself have never had kids/been pregnant but my sister had a difficult pregnancy and I know she found it hard to find anything real and not sugar coated about it all!

    Although I don’t identify with this subject personally I’m sure in years to come The advice and info you provide will be really helpful ?

    Love every post you write and video you create!! ❤️❤️

  • Hey Sam, you’re not alone.I had a bit of a negative experience too, in a slightly different way. I didn’t like being pregnant at all. I’m very aware of my body, and having something growing and moving inside me at times almost drove me mad. I just wanted to rip it out. I didn’t want to carry it anymore.

    And all the worrying about eating the right things, sleeping the right way, and constantly wondering if the baby was okay when i couldn’t do anything about it all just made me feel like my hands were tied constantly.
    And i just wanted to drink a cocktail sometimes, or make love to my husband normally!!!!! TMI. It’s tough, but you will get through it Sam, and you’ll settle at some point. Nothing lasts forever. And speak on it any time you like! It’s your reality! And if anyone has issue with it they can sod off! Because they clearly don’t understand.

    I get you about not wanting to lose yourself to being a mum. You won’t, it’s a personal choice to be any sort of mum you want. I purposely work on still being me, and doing what i love. And there’s nothing wrong with that. You’re in control of your own life. Besides, one day they’ll be grown and gone, then what? Keep ‘you’ going.

    And don’t worry about your body, console yourself with thoughts of ‘muscle memory’. You’ll bounce back. Plus there’s breastfeeding to look forward to. You’ll shrink ?

    It gets easier xxx

    Lots of Love, Mel.

  • Joyce Bakker

    The reason why I follow you on social media and your journey through life is purely because you always stay close to yourself, which I love. By seeing everything you wrote, it’s clear you are strong, open-minded and not afraid to show a deeper self in a world were everything is very suppervisial . You got this Sammie ❤️

  • Katie Wilson

    Hello Sammi, thank you so much for sharing this! I started following you on YouTube a little while after I got pregnant with my second child. I was also hit with pregnancy depressed and I felt incredible guilt for “doing this” to my first child. I was happy when I first found out about my pregnancy but as time went on that happiness turned to guilt and then depression. I also struggled with body image as I was already used to how my body looked after my first born and had bounced back quiet well. I tried many things to get out of my depression and one of the things was watching your videos! You seem like a great person and I love watching your style and vlogs etc! It kind of gave me something to look forward to besides my beautiful new baby girl! Your videos inspired me to keep doing things I love such as styling,makeup,writing,and COFFEE! Lol Anyways I understand what you are going through and want to thank you for helping me through my tough time!

  • Sam, this post almost made me well up 🙁 I feel the raw emotion through your words. I’m not a Mum yet I’m a nanny but I completely understand where you come from on every stance. I too have the same fears you have written down and I am so scared to one day just be known as “mum” lol strange and as selfish as it may seem, the world we live in today is based on being an independent woman and business minded when in reality us women are naturally nurturing and usually the hub to a household. Balance is hard but I feel like you’re on the right track and you have a steady head on your shoulders. You will balance your identity with anything thrown at you because you are a strong woman. Sorry if I’ve rambled and haven’t made any sense but I wanted to write from what my mind is feeling at this present time. Head high, Sam. Xx

  • Hannah

    Amazing post. I’m not pregnate myself but I have recently been feeling down and when you said about the ‘heaviness of the self’ I felt like yes, that’s how I have been feeling summed up in one. You saying about a to-do list is also a great idea and one I intend to try. Thanks for your honesty. X

  • Brave of you to share your story. I think it will inspire a lot of moms out there. People only see the happy side of it, but a lot of you changes physically and emotionally. Keep posting your pregnancy experience

  • Ruta

    Defo you are not alone in these feelings. I have gone through three pregnancies and have felt, like everything is pointless and i just do not want that. Sickness was awful as well. I had two girls one year apart and the worst bit was changing my first girl’s diapers, being pregnant with next one and having nausea 🙂 no strugle with body image, though, becauce prengancies were the perions, when i was officialy allowed not to have flat stomach.
    My advice – alway try to put yourself first, also when having the baby already. If you want to have food, which is kind of not good, just have it. If you want to have a rare glass of wine, have it. Includes shopping for clothes meant for after pregnancy etc.
    Greetings from Latvia 🙂

  • Carla

    As a pregnant 20-something year-old myself, I appreciate this post so much. All I can say is THANK YOU!

  • Karen

    I relate to your blog post so well. I had post partum depression as soon as I reached my home after giving birth to a beautiful little angel. I cried about everything, I felt inadequate as a mom and I wondered with all of the info on the market about the birthing process, etc. why I didn’t hear or read about this. It will all get better Sammi, you will make it through, just know that those of us who adore you and Jason will be praying for a speedy recovery for you. Although you may not realize it, you inspire so many woman across the globe and this is one God-given purpose that you are fulfilling. So glad that you will come out of this even stronger. Many blessings my dear…

  • TS Hunter

    Hi Sammi the last time I was pregnant was 15 years ago but I remember like it was yesterday. It’s not all fun and games. It’s hard to feel sexy. The body is doing some major rearranging. And we can feel it all. It seems like you got a good plan in plan for handling things. Keep pushing thru!!!!! All the best from the S United States.

  • Cliodhna

    Thank you Sam x

  • Nikki

    Pregnancy is such a beautiful thing. BUT yes it makes you feel completely and utterly like shit alot of the time. My 1st trimester I was so tired and feeling so sick all of the time. My second trimester was the easiest, and the 3rd trimester was hell I could barely walk I had awful sciatica, again I got ridiculously tired all day long and had horrific acid reflux. I worked as a full time care worker for the elderly until I was 37 weeks pregnant which was exhausting, my whole belly and hips are covered in stretch marks (which strangely enough I actually love now). I had a 2 hour labour from very first contraction to the last push ( which is way to quick and a completely traumatic). Saying that I enjoyed being pregnant I loved feeling my son kicking inside of me keeping him all to myself. My main trouble was after. The only way I can describe the way I felt was drunk, for about 2 weeks after I had major baby blues which I thought was going to be Post natal depression. I cried everyday for no reason like literally sobbed to the point it caught my breath. The day I got signed off from my midwife was the worst. I was like that’s it now no help from anyone professional left to your own devices. Now looking back it was so silly but having a baby is so life changing it makes you go a little crazy. I hate living in the world where if you say anything negative people thing you don’t deserve or can’t cope with everything. Luckily for me I had so much support from my fiance. I now have a beautiful 6 month old son who makes me laugh and smile every day. My only problem I have now is that I haven’t ever been away from him. Ever. So going back to work in 7 weeks is going to be hell for me. Major separation anxiety.

    My only advice is tell people how you feel never bottle it up. Enjoy being baby free so to speak as much as you possibly can as life will never ever be the same again. Much love to you, pregnancy can be tough xxxxxxxxx

  • Jenni Noble

    Well done for posting this and its definitely a subject very close to my heart that I feel should be more talked about. However as a mum of four take it from me, You will live and breathe your new baby, your entire world will revolve around your new baby, baby will dictate your life for the next however many years, even just going out or even eating lunch for that matter will become an impossible task sometimes. But that’s mum life, and also again a subject that no one seems to touch on in the pregnancy books, the 4th trimester, they don’t do an epidural for that one ???

  • Nikki

    O and to add to my last comment. Just a little advice. If you give birth naturally. Get yourself a donut ring to sit on, especially if you get stitches, as my God it hurts soooooooo bad to sit down, also weeing is so sore I was told to pour warm water onto myself as I was weeing as it helps sooth the stinging pain. Just Google the things no one talks about after. I wish I knew half the stuff nobody talks about. I’m not trying to frighten you just preparing. 🙂 xxxx

  • Lisa

    Sammi,
    What a beautiful and honest post. I have followed you for sometime and I like that youve shared such a personal story.
    I have never had children but I have suffered from depression on and off for most of my adult years. It is hell and unless you’ve been through it you can’t comprehend how horrible it is. As for the image thing I can definitely relate, it is the thing that gives me confidence and without it I feel like shit if that helps!

    Remember this though Sammi, even in the darkest times there is light and NOTHING is permanent. Things change all the time and so will this.
    Take care of yourself and sending lots of love to you
    X

  • jessica

    This was so refreshing to read Sammi. I just had my baby girl 8 weeks ago and had many of these feeling while pregnant especially pertaining to my body but I always felt so guilty mentioning it especially since several of my friends are going through fertility issues. I felt I always had to be cheery and act like everything was perfect. There’s always that little voice that says be grateful, don’t complain. I wish I could say I feel better about my appearance post birth but I don’t. I do however easily snap out of these feelings every time I think about my baby and how amazing it is that she came from me. I know the journey is rough but you are handling it so well and I know you’re going to be an amazing mom and everything will fall into place. People put so much pressure on pregnant and postpartum women and it’s nice to here a realistic viewpoint.

  • LUCIELULAÏ

    Hey Sam, thank you so much for writing down this post. I’m 20 weeks pregnant and I can relate to you. Particularly the IDENTITY part. SO TRUE !!! Pregnancy is about what I like to call psychological hurricanes. So much changes on so much levels. Overwhelming. Sometimes that makes it hard to deal with it. But we have to go trough it to prepare ourselves to became a parent. It’s okay to be afraid or to experience deep sadness… We are human. What I’ve learn since I ‘m pregnant is to pay more attention to myself, listen to myself and act as I feel it is the best for me. Take time to ourselves is important to be in a healthy state of mind. Pregnancy yoga has helped me a lot for this.
    XO XO from Paris 🙂

  • Andrea

    Hi sammi, i must admit i was one of those who thinks you were not being thankfull for the miracle you were living! Coincidence was that at the same time you became pregnant my doctor says to me that is dificult that i can hace childrens, so i was very upset with you! Im currently trying to understand all the things that the society creates with our heads and i think you SO MUCH this blog, because it teached me that once again i had a wrong idea in my head of what a woman is. Sorry for my english, love you so much and i hope everything goes well in your life ❤

  • Dear Sammi, very well written. I’m not pregnant AMD I do not have kids and for me, I had never heard about pre-natal depression. So I think it is very important that you share your experience! I just hope that for the next couple of months you can enjoy for the most part :).
    Lots of love, Emma

  • Hannelore Gurbet

    Awww Sami , what an honest lovely post. I had a difficult pregnancy, had to sit in bed half of it and had anxiety and high blood pressure but would do it all over again, because of that feeling you described, feeling your baby kicking is the best feeling in the world! I just want to wish you a easy, relaxed and blessed rest of pregnancy.
    What really helped was prayer and music, pampering as you said and lots of fruits. I had severe stomach acid, slept almost sitted up but I could fight this with unsalted almonds as a snack,helped me a lot. Huggs. Hanne

  • Joanna

    Oh it’s so nice to hear this! I am not the only one! I knew it was something more than just “pregnancy hormones”. People expect you to be happy, glowy, excited when you’re pregnant but little do they know that there are other stronger feelings that are hard to push away. Sam, I wish you the very best and I love that you share all this because I, myself, am going through that and I didn’t know it was some kind of depression. At least I know I’m not going crazy or its all in my head. Sending you lots of love and hugs! ❤️

  • Ellie

    Hi Sammi!

    I always read your blog and watch your videos but I never really comment on anything. However! I am not pregnant and have no children but my close work colleague is. Everyday she comes in upset that her trousers are a little tighter, or that she didn’t sleep and feels “rough” or she would cry uncontrollably for no reason. I sent her this post and she instantly phoned me and said that she feels like you’ve taken all the guilt away. We have now made an agreement that she can say whatever she likes and I will understand. Thank you for helping me show her that it is okay. You will be a fantastic parent and if I look half as beautiful as u preg I will be very happy. You don’t have to keep smiling 24/7 but just keep going ?

  • Emily

    Hoping people can keep negativity to themselves for this post. I appreciate your honesty!! Wishing you and Jason all the best.

  • Kat

    Great post, I was 21 when I got pregnant with my now 3 year old son, and a LOT of what you have written sums up how I felt throughout my pregnancy.
    It didn’t really help that he wasn’t a planned baby so it was even more of a shock to the system. I know what you mean about struggling with body image as I’d only recently lost 3 stone and was really proud of myself and the thought of my body changing all over again made me feel upset too.
    I also struggled after I’d given birth, I had NO idea how to look after a baby and when people kept saying to me “oooh aren’t you excited, isn’t he the best ever, don’t you LOVE being a mum?!” I had to nod and smile, but it took me quite a while to bond with him and I often felt down about my new situation and confused about my identity.
    I feel like not enough is said about women not feeling perfect, glowing and happy about pregnancy, birth and having their new baby and women shouldn’t feel ashamed or guilty about not feeling those things immediately.
    I’ve just had a little girl 2 months ago and I found the whole pregnancy and baby experience so much more enjoyable on an emotional level this time, I bonded with her immediately and felt a lot more positive in general, so I think a lot of becoming a mummy for the first time is a huge shock and change in so many ways and it takes time to process it all.
    I’m sure you will be a fantastic mum, and don’t beat yourself up if you don’t feel how you thought or wish you did straight away, give yourself time and you will adjust to everything when you’re ready 🙂 xx

  • Kat

    I am currently 29 weeks pregnant, and everything you said rang SO true for me!! Thankyou thank you thank you for your honesty, and for making me feel like I’m not the only one xx

  • Melanie

    Thanks so much for sharing your thought with us Sam 🙂 While been pregnant is an amazing thing to happen, it is tough and I don’t think people realise it.
    I am 14 weeks pregnant and when I’ve complained about how sick or uncomfortable I feel, I get told that I should be happy that I’m pregnant and focus on the positives. While I do feel so lucky and blessed, I think that us pregnant women should be allowed to have our down days, been pregnant is not easy and it’s annoying how people tend to sugar-coat things!!
    I hope everything goes well with your pregnancy Sam and thanks for keeping it real. P.S Would love if you could do a pregnancy style vlog 🙂

  • I had such a difficult time with my pregnancy with various complications resulting in premature delivery. I suffered with severe sickness, there actually wasn’t a single day that I didn’t throw up from 14 weeks onwards. I suffered with feelings similar to yourself, I couldn’t eat, I didn’t feel like myself, I felt so low and I couldn’t understand how I could be feeling that way as I was so excited to fall pregnant. Things may seem difficult now but as soon as you hold that tiny baby in your arms all of those feelings melt away and you get that beautiful warm glow. It’s a feeling like nothing else in the world. It’s such a privilege to be a parent, it really is wonderful. You’ll be an amazing Mama.

  • Cheryl

    This post resonates with me so much. I’ve never wanted to be seen as “just a mum”, I wanted to retain me as well. I wish people could be more understanding of the many facets of pregnancy and I think you’ve put it do eloquently. Truth is its not all glow and happiness. I’m currently due in 3 days and struggled from the beginning with depression, it was a struggle to do the most basic things for myself and I didn’t want to look after myself at all, there seemed no point. Whilst things got better in the second trimester, it has been a stuggle compared to my first pregnancy which I truly enjoyed.
    I’m scared for how things will be after the birth, my body, my connection with my baby, son and partner but I’m praying it all comes together and I can feel at peace with who I am.
    Wishing you all the best for the reminder of your pregnancy.

  • Nicola

    Thank you so much for posting this. I think about having children all the time but I worry about everything you have said, when everyone says how amazing motherhood and pregnancy is I honestly feel scared I won’t feel the same and I’ll lose my identity. If more people were honest about these issues I can’t help but feel things will be easier as I’ll be supported if I have any of these worries. You look amazing and it’s wonderful that you have shared this!

  • Alice

    I really dont know what to say except finally! You have just shared every fear and insecurity, worry and confusion i have always since i can remember associated being pregnant with. Although i have never had a baby it has always struck me how happy and glowing women always are and ive forever wondered inside..surley there myst be another side. I certainly know i would struggle with pregnancy for a number of reasons body image being a big part of it which has kept me firmly in the zone of “i dont want kids”. How wonderfully refreshing, eye opening and reaffirming for me that my doubts do hold ground and these feelings arent “wrong” i just want to thankyou for that Sammi this was a very brave thing to post and utmost respect for doing it with such brutal honesty.

  • I loved this Sammi, I think sometimes people only focus on the bright side of the things but forget that life is about ups and downs and as everything in life not everything is gonna be perfect, personally I prefer this kind of post where you can express like the real human being you are and how you really feel, at the end those experiences are the ones that makes you stronger and you learn more things about yourself in the path.
    Every person is beautiful, just the fact of being here in this moment makes you perfect and the fact that you jump out of the bed every morning to keep going whatever your’re going thru is awesome! 🙂

    You’re such an inspiration Sammi keep it up!

  • This was eloquently written, Sam! It’s great that you have Jason in your life to help you through the rough stages of your pregnancy, many women have to go at it alone and often feel lost and hopeless. I wish you all the best my dear x

    http://www.insearchofsheila.com

  • Gabrielle Lanthier

    You are amazing!! Your sincerity is what keeps me watching your videos. In such a superficial world, which floods YouTube; you stay true to who you are and to what you feel is real. You are such an amazing role model to all your viewers, and to your future daughter. I wish more people had the courage to share a different view with such elegance and grace.
    Thank you Sammy xoxo

  • Melanie

    You encapsulated the feelings of depression. As someone who suffers from depression, I empathize and on top of it all to have this human growing inside would send me over the edge. You are so incredible and strong and the foundation you have with Jason is beautiful. Thank you for you candor, idk why it’s so taboo to talk about these things and I’ve always loved that about you. You always had mentioned your anxiety in your videos and it gave me validation and normalcy seeing someone like you, someone beautiful and normal go through it too. Love you and only the best.

  • Mel

    Hi sammi. I found out I was pregnant about 2 weeks ago. Before becoming pregnant I have struggled with clinical depression for most of my life. I was on an anti depressant for around 4 years and now have had to go off it. I have been off it completely for 2 weeks now and the experience has not been a good one. Along will all the normal pregnancy symptoms I also have to deal with insomnia, stomach cramps and nausea. I am also dealing with extremely erratic mood swings and a partner that is not very supportive if I am 100% honest. It helps to know I am not alone with theses feelings and experiences, so thank you for sharing, and being so brutally honest about it all.

  • Bee

    Sam this was a really great read and thank you for addressing this! It really helped me understand exactly what you’re going through. I’m sending it up into the air that you will kick pre-natal depression’s ass.

  • Beautiful Sammi this is an absolute amazing and brave thing you have posted. I am an Ob/Gyn nurse in New Orleans one of many areas that depicts all you have shared and more. So many fight their feelings inside and assume all pregnancies will be perfect. Many people don’t understand this and to no fault of there own – the mind just doesn’t play as nice as it should all the time. I will be sure to send some of my patients to read your story to understand they are not alone. Keep doing all the great things you do! You are an amazing woman and now soon to be an amazing mother and wife!!

  • Hali

    I absolutely loved this post. I gave birth to my little girl almost a year ago but I still remember all to well feeling the same way while I was pregnant that you have been feeling. It’s comforting to know that others experience those feelings as well while pregnant, because as you said, there are so many posted experiences where women speak about how great and carefree their pregnancy is/was and how they felt like beautiful goddesses. That is amazing for them but I agree it’s important to be able to read about different types of experiences, even the not so positive ones. I appreciate you for this post and I wish that I had had something like this to read and relate to while I was pregnant, it definitely would have made me feel better!’

  • Caitlin B

    Wow, so empowering for women, pregnant or not. The media really can distort what is accepted or what is considered a taboo. Stay Strong xx Love from Australia.

  • Caitlin B

    Get off you’re high ‘pregnancy is a miracle’ horse. Yes it is but everyone has a different experience. Have a little empathy woman.

  • Sarah

    I am so happy that you posted this, I’m currently 14 weeks pregnant after a recent miscarriage last year and everyday is a anxious step into the unknown. I have experienced some real low points in my first trimester as the feelings of my last failed pregnancy slowly consumed me to the point of madness. Ever since my very emotional but successful 12+5 day scan I have been focusing on relaxing, getting out and seeing friends and trying to get back to feeling ‘me’ again. It can be hard at time when the negative thoughts try to creep back into the forefront of my mind but i’m learning how to cope with them and it’s made me stronger in a way I didn’t realise i needed to be strong. I’ve always struggled with body image until a year ago when I started a hardcore training regime of Crossfit, i have never felt so good about my body image and clothes just felt amazing. Now after a complete decrease in fitness and a monster amount of carbs during my first trimester I am again starting to struggle with the changes my body is undergoing. All pregnant women know that their body will change and we all now its for the little human your body is making (i mean it blows my mind at how woman’s bodies can do this) but we can’t help but feel self-conscious in clothing. I’m currently sporting muffin tops that I’ve not owned on my body for over a year now and i’m not overly pleased their back to be honest! 😉 Tight clothes as you say highlights the other body concerns and bagging clothing for me makes me look too mumsy already and why is there no stylish maternity clothing stores?! But please no one get me wrong, I am so pleased that I am pregnant, i remind myself that each day is a blessing as life is so very fragile. I can’t wait to see our little bundle of joy in February 2017!!!!! I’ve started a baby scrapbook and nursery planning is starting to be done using a Pintrest board! so exciting! But lets get real, pregnancy is not all sunshine and rainbows all of the time. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • Kirby

    Hi Sammi,

    Your post has left me feeling quite emotional. I am not pregnant, and I don’t plan to be for a while, but I am so happy that you wrote this. I have seen you mention that you haven’t been feeling great in your videos and I have been worrying about you. You should be really proud of this post – proud that you could put how you are feeling into words, proud that you posted it, and proud that you have been the voice for many people. I wish you all the best for the rest of your pregnancy and I am excited to see your family blossom. Stay true to yourself and keep talking about these things. I’m sure a lot of people are thanking you for bringing these topics up because they didn’t have the courage to. x

  • Hello Sammi! Even tho I am not pregnant yet I really enjoyed this post. I think you should do this kind of “confessions posts” often! It almost feels like I am watching one of your vlogs because it is closer and personal. Good job! Also, hope you can feel better little by little and have fun with it! Loads of love from http://www.RaquelCanoBlog.com

    xox

  • This is so eye opening. I have never been pregnant myself. And I’m not entirely sure I ever want to. But it will help me whenever my sister , sister in laws and friends get pregnant. I won’t expect them to be super happy all the time.
    Also I think women uplifting each other during such times is extremely important. #girllove I wrote an article if it on my blog if you want to check it out.

  • N

    I usually don’t read your blog, I scroll through your style posts (photographs) and watch your youtube videos. Today I came from snapchat, since I’ve read a few negative comments under your youtube videos about your style/personality change etc. This was a well written post, genuine and coming from heart. I support you and have fingers crossed xx
    P.S.: i know you are a grown, responsible woman, but please, as the fall’s coming, dress a bit warmer than you’re used to (no bare legs in cold days) and stay safe❤️

  • Nicole

    I always read your blog anyway, but as soon as I saw your snapchat story I logged straight on. Sammi this post is stunning and very honest. You are not alone at all and many women feel the way you do. You and Jason will make fantastic parents <3

  • I have to be honest, I don’t usually follow your blog but rather watch your YouTube channels but when I saw your tweet about this post I had to read it. I am currently 36 weeks with a very much longed for baby. Whilst I haven’t experienced all of things you talk about, I have experienced some.

    I joined my local NCT Facebook group (Hammersmith and Chiswick) and have met some lovely Mums and Mums to Be through there, I would highly recommend. It feels so good to discuss issues with people who are experiencing the same things as you.

    Sadly I have been shocked by body shaming I have encountered by some “friends” and family though. I’ve always been on the thinner side and most of my body still is, however, I’ve put on a noticeable amount of water retention in my face – something that people have felt acceptable to comment on which, even if you’re body confident, can really knock your self esteem. On feeling low about this I’ve then been told I’m ungrateful to be pregnant and suffering from depression. You can’t seem to win and being pregnant makes you somehow fair game for this type of behaviour.

    In terms of clothes – I really struggled through the transition phase of 12-22 weeks whereby you start to have a belly and your rib cage expands but some maternity clothes are too big to be flattering. The only place I’ve really enjoyed shopping is on Asos. And if you check out the Outlet section there are some absolutely amazing bargains. I’ve started buying their maternity nursing range now in the hope it’ll see me through to the next phase and found that the kimono or skater styles are most flattering for dresses.

    Anyway, this is the first but won’t be the last time I read your blog now. Keep doing what you are doing, you’re fantastic.

    Rhiannon x

  • Andrea Mary Carpenter de Campos

    Hi Sam,

    My name is Andrea Mary, i am from Sao Paulo, Brasil. I have a 1 and a half yr old daughter and kind of went through those same feelings while i was pregnant. i was desperate the day i found out (even thought it was kind of planned) and also felt like i would lose who i was. i also didn’t want everything in my life to now revolve around being a mom. throughout my pregnancy some of those feeling changed and i felt more and more excited, but still was nervous about the whole process. the day my daughter was born was the happiest day of my life. i changed as a woman. My life now does revolve around my daughter and the word that makes me most proud to be identified by is Gabriella’s mother. people told me things would change but i didn’t believe them. i was worried about my body and my lifestyle, but now i can try to tell you, like so many ppl tried to tell me. Once you hold your beautiful child in your arms, YOU get to decide your life and who you are but you have a wonderful daughter to now accompany you and your life. it is the most amazing thing in the entire world. i had just turned 26 when my daughter was born and thought i would no longer be able to be young and go out and wear whatever i wanted but that isn’t true. now BY CHOICE i go out with my daughter. i wear whatever i want and do whatever i want, but with my daughter and husband. i hope this helps. i have been watching your videos for years and feel very similiar to you (at least to the side of you that you share online). i know for sure you will get your beautiful body back (which is of course very important to every women, mom or not) and you will love Jason even more than you already do plus you will have a new love of your life by your side. you will be a wonderful mother! you will wear your amazing outfits , that i love to see, and run your business and be as successful as you are now. None of that will change. You will just be madly in love with one more person. And don’t be afraid to be defined as a mom. It is the most honorable title you can be given. hope this helps. praying for you through this fase. As soon as Gabriella was born one of the first things i told her was, “if i had known it was YOU in my belly i would have love the experience so much more”.

  • Andrea Mary Carpenter de Campos

    Forgot to mention that thought my whole pregnancy i felt fat and ugly. i didn’t really buy any clothes because i didn’t feel like it, only bought a few items cause i needed a few things that fit. i was sick thoughtout most of my pregnancy and just didn’t love it. got strechmarks on my thighs. my bobs also grew like 2 sizes right from the beginning. i wasn’t a fan of all these changes. but once she was born only after about 2 weeks I had lost most of the weight that i had put on only by breastfeeding. no diet or exercise. then started the gym after about 40 days. now i feel like my body looks better than ever. i am back to my weight pre pregnancy, but i look more like a woman.

  • Kristina

    Wow this post is so raw, I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for opening up!
    I am not pregnant but I live with someone dealing with depression so it is eye opening to see how you deal with it and how strong you are. It sucks but it’s all gonna get better once the baby is here, I hope 🙂
    You will be an amazing mum and you’ll get back in shape quickly!

    Creepers & Cupcakes

  • This was a really refreshing post to read now and as someone who’s watched you on YouTube for years, I really admire and appreciate how over the years you’ve always been so honest about things like this that most people like to keep tight lipped about. To be honest I like reading things like this, not because I like that you’re experiencing pre-natal depression obviously but because if I’m ever to become pregnant one day then I won’t feel alone or like I should keep silent if I end up going through this as well.

    http://www.thesundaymode.com

  • Jen

    Thank you so much for writing a post like this. I have not been pregnant before, but I know that it can’t be all sunshine and rainbows, and I think more women need to share their true feelings about their pregnancies.

  • Sammi i’m so sorry your going through post-natal depression. I don”t have any children but have suffered from depression and just like you to the point of suicidal thoughts, I just thought wants the point but mine was related to work and not sure where my future was going and that went on and off for a decade. My only worry is that If I do have a baby ( i’m 32) that those dark thoughts don’t come back, but as for now I’m glad to say I am in a better way and I hope you too will soon feel more like yourself Sammi, great post hugs and kisses xoxo.

    http://www.juanitalikes.com

  • Anonymous

    Thank you Sammi…I have a deep fear of losing myself (and my bond with my fiance) during pregnancy and beyond. I want a child but I fear I’d be a terrible mom if I am not happy because of any of the struggles you have mentioned. Reading your post and the countless comments has made me feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. This is real. And more importantly I am not alone. So it will be ok because I (we) can do this. Now I know. Thank you all for being real.

  • Paola

    wow, what an amazing post you wrote! I am not a mom yet but hope to be one, one day! It can seem a bit scary but you made me realize how much it’s worth it when you really want love a little human and have an awesome partner with you taking the journey with you! <3

    p.s I've been falling in love with your blog and vlog!!!!

    Love from US, DC
    Paola

  • Adriana Borjes

    You’re as real as it gets <3 Love you, you're going to be an amazing mum.

  • Very well written and an amazing post Sam! I’m glad you dare to speak the truth and talk about how you actually feel, because I’m sure a lot of women feel the exact same way. You’re an inspiration xx

    Olivia | http://ordinaryvegan.blogspot.com/

  • Joe Weissfisch

    Hi Sam, I really enjoyed and respected everything that you said in your post. For you, Jason and the baby’s mental health (and potentially physical as mental health issues can cause hormonal differences in the womb for the baby) I would really recommend going to get some professional help, if you have not already. NSPCC does a fabulous course called Pregnancy in Mind and they will help you with pre and post natal depression and there are lots of psychologists out there who have techniques to help mothers like you. I think it would hugely benefit you and the baby, and Jason as well. I wish you good luck with your pregnancy and know that we are supporting you and there are many psychologists trained and who want to help people like you. Good luck with it all!

  • Kirsty Rednapp

    Dear Sam, I agree with the above comment and this is the link for the course they are talking about https://www.nspcc.org.uk/services-and-resources/services-for-children-and-families/pregnancy-in-mind/

    It would be great to maybe follow your journey with a course like this and raise awareness of courses like these for mothers going through pregnancy, and for there to not be a taboo for going to get advice and help from professionals.

  • Natasha

    Sammi, I am so glad that you have wrote this post and shared your pregnancy lows! I’ve recently given birth to my twins, they were 11 weeks early! And all though they faced a massive battle (and are now well and healthy) I also faced pre-natal depression and had such a horrendous pregnancy! NOTHING looked flattering on my bump, I couldn’t wear cute dresses because I was covered in stretch marks on my belly, legs, arms and boobs! I gained so much weight and felt so alone in my whole pregnancy! However, since having them I have felt like despite the tiredness, everything falls into place and you understand your importance and role! It makes you feel significant again! As well as the heaps and heaps of love that you suddenly feel!

  • Hey Sam,

    I’m Lana,I feel like I should introduce myself being that I have been following you for almost the whole time you’re been on YouTube and I have commented quite a lot. I made a comment to you about wearing a bodycon dress to highlight the bump but forgetting what it was like for me to show my back fat while pregnant ( my daughter is now seven months), and it was hard for me to wear certain clothes because pregnancy physically changes your body so much that you can’t help but to feel uncomfortable everyday. I was miserable, in fact I cried a couple of times for different reasons and I even got post parting depression that lasted for three months. I never took medication for it because me and my fiancé got threw it. It was hard and frustrating but you will pass the hurt and discomfort. So I just wanted to say look about for my encouragement, I have this same pic on every social media site that I follow you on. In fact, I want you to email me and we can be pen pals threw your pregnancy if you want! My email is peaceinfall@icloud.com , I hope to hear from you because I have so much tips and tricks I’ve learned and it can be better to speak to someone that you don’t know so you can get a different perspective. This was a great post, probably my favorite from you this far, thanks for being so real.

  • Aww hon. I’ve been there. I was shocked at how much every bit of my life was changing and I wasn’t prepared for any of it. I spent my life surrounded by women but never knew what pregnancy had in store. Why didn’t anybody warn me? Why don’t people, women in particular, talk about these things!? Instead of depression I became enraged. I spent most of my first pregnancy alternating between rage and sadness. And I was made to feel ashamed if I ever complained. I was supposed to be grateful and glowing, not gassy and angry. * shrugs * If I have to feel miserable all the time so do you! (To my immediate family) And if they didn’t like it they could leave me alone (which I was hoping would happen). Thankfully, those days are behind me and my 2 daughters are the best part of my life. I’m still fighting to be seen as a person and not only a mom. Most days I win and I’m sure you will too.

  • Sarah Newland

    My baby is 9 months old now and I’ve found motherhood way easier than pregnancy. I went from a confident, outgoing, business woman to an anxiety ridden shell. I was so worried about something going wrong I barely left the house for 9 months. I found it really hard when everyone seemed so excited for me and I was just so full of worry. I complained time and time again to my midwife and had to go through 3 different mental health screenings just to get help. I was 37 weeks pregnant when I was finally referred for therapy and by that time there was no real point. If the help was so poor when I was asking for it I can’t imagine what it’s like for people that don’t express their feelings. Luckily for me the fog lifted once my baby arrived and I felt back to my normal self. I think this was such a brave post and it’s reassuring to see from the comments that there are others that didn’t enjoy the whole pregnancy experience the way society expects us too. you can concurrently want to be a mother but hate your pregnancy and one shouldn’t detract from the other in people’s minds X

  • Claire

    Thank you for writing this Sammi – honest, and reassuring! I’m also 22 weeks, so have been following your pregnancy updates and videos avidly to see how you are getting on. I can’t say how I’ve felt is the same as you, but I can certainly relate to the feeling of losing control of your ‘self’. Losing the ability to control how my body looks is difficult, and the unknown of what is to come over the next few months is difficult. I’m not an anxious person and generally take things as they come – but thinking about what state my body will be in at the start of next year fills me with dread. I find myself comparing my body to other women – in my yoga class I look at women who are 36 weeks and think I’m bigger than them, I look at friends able to wear clothes they are comfortable in and feel jealous, I even watch your videos and try to compare where I am at with a woman at the same stage as me (as far as I can see you are looking a million times better than me by the way!!) My mum mentioned to me that she’d always wished you could carry a baby around on a backpack for 9 months instead she’d have had many more babies, but she never enjoyed actually being pregnant – I can’t help but agree with her! None of these negative feelings detract from my excitement and anticipation to meet my little guy, but the guilt of not ‘loving’ these 9 months does eat away at you! Thank you for making me realise I’m not alone!

  • Laura

    Ufff … I started reading the post and became like one of those people that everyone hates, thinking to myself well why would you care about how you look, or how you feel etc; you are going to have a baby and that is the most important thing in the world.

    WRONG…
    The moment I started thinking that, I stopped and thought; I would love to have a baby…and the next second I started thinking that well I wouldn’t love to be getting bigger, or getting stretch marks and live with them the rest of my life…but what about a cocktail for those 9 months and then 1-2 years while you breast feed…but what about late nights with my friends outside….but what about sitting near a pool with a flat belly (not that I have that right now) ….fuck you are so right 🙁

    I had to think about it for a couple of minutes, but you are truly right…there are a lot of non-exciting things in getting pregnant (beside all the wonderful things) that no one talks about because of the fear of appearing vain…good for you for starting this conversation!

    Maybe many more women will start talking about their feelings … without the fear of appearing vain

  • I have always wanted babies. For me , being pregnant is one of my big goals and dreams. It has been for a long, long time. I am now 24 and for some reason I have been thinking about it more often but deep inside I do know I am not ready for it. I used to think about it as an amazing thing, a blessing and I still do. But during that time I was forgetting about all the things I would miss. My mom says that when you get pregnant and have a baby, there are a lot of things that you won’t be able to do anymore and that is a thought to keep in mind. Yet, there are a lot of amazing things that you will “gain”. This thought has been with me every day since.

    I guess that as much as you plan a pregnancy and as much as you think you are ready, sometimes you are not. Then, reality hits you and you start thinking about all the things you won’t do (or will be more difficult to do), you start thinking about changing your priorities and how sometimes that won’t be ideal. I guess some people deal with this feeling better than others and then pre-natal depression appears.

    I really admire you to put it all out there and I am so surprised about the comments you are having. I honestly thought I would read a lot of hate comments (and maybe you did too) but I was shocked – in a good way – for all the love you are getting here and even more for the amount of women that are sharing similar experiences.

    I am not pregnant but, like I said, I have been thinking about it so often now. I am glad I read your post. It didn’t make me change my mind or wish not to go through pregnancy. It only made me even more aware that not always pregnancy is all about happy moments and that is ok.
    I am so happy that you have a fiance that supports and understands you. That is such a blessing that I am sure you are thankful for.

    I hope things get better and also that you start feeling better with yourself, your body image. You look amazing, truly. And you will never be just a mom. For us, your followers, you will be Samantha Maria, the stylish, intelligent, classy and cheerful woman that we love!
    You will never be “just” a mom. You are an amazing woman that inspires everyone, everyday. And this post is another proof of that!

    Lots of love x

  • Kathy

    I never comment on blogs but reading through this I could help but think of a site you may appreciate. http://www.coffeeandcrumbs.net/category/best-of-cc has amazing essays, advice, articles, etc., from very real moms all over. They’re thoughtful and honest. Hopefully they’ll help you, especially in some of your lows.

  • Ana

    I feel so proud of you, Sammi. Talking about the difficult part of being pregnant is a sign of self respect. I thank you for this. Motherhood shouldn’t be viewed as Heavenly, because it is Real and “Earthly”. That means you’ll also feel better at some point and see this experience as wonderful.

    Lots of love
    Ana

  • Well done for sharing Sammi! I’ve never been pregnant but your thoughts on Identity really strike a chord with me! H x

  • Sheila Dixon

    Sammi I’m sorry you’re not having an easy time. Just know that this will pass and you’ll have your beautiful little girl. You’re right though, when you’re feeling blue do something that brings you happiness. Get out of the house and enjoy the outdoors. When your baby comes it’ll be all worth it. Stay positive. Much love.

  • JESSICA BREWER

    Sammi I just want you to know everything will be ok.I had my daughter two years ago.When I first found out I was pregnant I was not happy.My husband and I had been married eight years and did not plan on having children.It wasn’t that we didn’t like kids its just that we were happy with just the two of us.Your post is EXACTLY how I would describe my pregnancy.I felt so disconnected from my little girl than I would have a day where I would feel excited.I knew being a parent would change my life and it did.I walked everyday for up to an hour to keep in shape and to help my dark thoughts during the pregnancy and it did wonders however I did get hit with post partum depression while recovering from a csection.You must prepare for the possibility that it can happen.My mother and husband were my only support during this time but I must say that depression is a normal part of life and a normal feeling.Our society today wants to make everything a sickness that can be cured but you can’t cure a human feeling we were created to feel.Hang on to Jason and both of you put everything into your daughter and just love her and I promise when you guys put her first everything will be ok.It took me two years to finally accept that I may never be as thin as I use to be and I nat not have the me time I used to have but when I look at my daughters little face sucking on her paci and calling me mama everything I went through is all worth it.Thank you for being so honest more women need to be real in this world we are not all supermodel superwomen!We are HUMAN!There is nothing wrong with you you are just a normal woman feeling normal feelings when you find out your going to be a mom.Its very overwhelming and wonderful at the same time.Take a deep breath and hang in there.Find strong support and never hide how you feel.I love you!

  • The best post I’ve read on this blog!! So underrated and brutally honest – loved it. Hope to see some more pregnancy updates Sam xx

  • Irene Lenherr

    Thank you for being genuine and strong. I know depression, I still struggle with it sometimes. It’s fucking horrible and absolutely drains you and the best thing to me is when people like you share these feelings and experiences I can relate with. It makes me feel understood and like I’m not the only one out there. We’re all in this together. So good of Jason to support you through these difficult times. I wish you all the happiness and strength in the world Sammy. You’re incredible. Your work is magnificent. You’re a huge inspiration to me and I am forever thankful for your entire being. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  • allegra

    don’t know if you read all of these, i just recently discovered you and upon watching your first trimester video i literally cried at how close i felt to you through our shared experiences and how much hearing what you had to say meant to me. i’m pregnant at 19, 15 weeks along now and although i’m excited and happy i have nobody my age or even close to my age to be able to talk to or express how awful i feel sometimes, and even though it was the first video i’d ever seen of yours i had felt like i found a friend, which means more than you can ever possibly imagine. i literally sat there in tears of happiness!! i also am going through similar depressive episodes, and have really terrible morning sickness too and i didn’t know if i could find anyone who could relate. thank you for having the strength to use your platform to share this part of your life, just by doing so you have helped me immensely.

  • Anonymous

    SO much yes to this. I am 21 weeks, and related to SO much of this post. Thank you for being real & honest about your experience. This post has been such an encouragement to me! Praying health and a safe delivery for you & your precious one!

    Cheers!
    <3

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  • Thank you so much for this post Sam.
    I am 15-weeks pregnant, and the first trimester has been tough for me. I relate to so much of what you wrote in this post, and it’s quite rare to hear about pregnancy in those terms. Just like you described, I feel like I can’t really explain the hard parts of being pregnant, because it’s so socially unacceptable.
    I can’t wait to feel my baby move and get further on in the weeks. I also can’t wait to follow your journey before your little princess arrives 🙂

    I wish you the best, and I send you lots of positive energy and fellow-pregnant girl support from Paris 🙂

    Lots of love, Anais
    xxx

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  • Anonymous

    Thank you so much for writing this Sam! So brave of you to share your feelings on a public blog, I’m 26 weeks pregnant now and can totally relate to how you are feeling, reading this makes me feel alot more normal. I’ve been watching your vlogs too and I can’t even tell you how helpful they’ve been, most people around me just can’t understand how I’m feeling, I think you can’t really unless you’ve been through it, so I always feel so bad for thinking negative things. I hadn’t even heard of pre-natal depression until I read this. Thank you sooooo much! and good luck with everything!

  • Anonymous

    I love that you wrote this, Sammi. Before being pregnant I had no idea what the heck would happen not only to my body, but to my mind. I have suffered with depression throughout my life and was so scared about how I would feel throughout my pregnancy. My husband and I went through a very hard time and he eventually left me when I was 9 months. I was in such emotional turmoil throughout and I wish I wasn’t because physically my baby girl and myself were perfect. Going through such a hard time during the pregnancy I was very scared about post postpartum depression, what with having to raise my child basically on my own. My midwives and I had talked about encapsulating my placenta, which I at first thought was such a strange thing to do. Basically, your placenta gets dried and put into pill form and taking it helps to balance out your hormones after birth and provides nutrients that you otherwise would have lost. Taking these pills helped me immensely and I never once had negative feelings or felt depressed. If ppd is something you will be worried about, check out placenta encapsulation if you already haven’t! With my next pregnancy I can only hope to be as graceful as you have been throughout yours. I wish your little family the best!

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  • Gen

    Hi Sammi, I thought you would find this article interesting http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-37630561 – Hollie McNish is trying to end the taboos around becoming a mother. Hope this helps! Good luck for your third trimester xx

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  • Jade

    Great post, I especially loved the part about you mentioning being self conscious about your body because I do feel like it’s never mentioned. All I ever hear or see is people showing off their bump but for me I’m already very self conscious about my stomach and have quite heavy body image issues about it, so no I don’t wear tight clothing because it’s not that lovely perfect round bump and no it doesn’t mean I’m ashamed to be pregnant. I just feel differently about my stomach but still cherish the fact that there’s a life growing in there, something that people seem to not be able to understand sometimes? Anyway, quality content and extremely relatable. Thanks for sharing your experiences!

  • Shakila

    I wanted to thank you for this wonderful work priest. After years of trying to conceive and a failed IVF and a failed FET, I ordered your Pregnancy Miracle from your website http://iyareyarespellstemple.webs.com/ . According to my infertility doctor it was “very unlikely” that I could be pregnant with my own eggs. But here I am, pregnant for the first time in life. I got pregnant naturally just 3 weeks after my failed FET and after using the pregnancy herbs you sent to me. I am now 3 month pregnant. I am spreading this miracle story to whomever I meet and who suffers from infertility. Kind regards and thank you priest for everything

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  • Ceri Angharad

    This post is so, so refreshing. I am just 11 weeks pregnant. So, to all the world (apart from those closest to me) I’m still just me, and a huge part of me is the way that I use fashion to express my personality. However, I have already developed an ever growing bump. Nothing fits the way it should and I just look a bit fat. I have already lost my confidence, unable to get dressed in a way that boosts me and feeling I have to constantly hide my body so that colleagues at work don’t notice. I’m happy to be pregnant but also a little worried, I read an article on a pregnancy app that stated 6 out of 10 women suffer pregnancy loss which seems to have catapulted me into a whole new thought process of worrying. It’s such a strange mixture of so emotions. I’m happy and sad, excited and scared all whilst feeling constantly sick, greasy and uncomfortably bloated. Massive kudos to you Sammi, it’s so refreshing to see a fashion blogger talking about pregnancy and motherhood because weirdly I haven’t come across another where the two are talked about hand in hand. It’s almost like if you’re into fashion, you wouldn’t also be a mum which is baffling and means there just aren’t enough inspiring, strong women who also happen to be mum’s to connect with. Thank you!