5 TOUGH-LOVE LIFE LESSONS FROM MY 20’S

S H O P  T H E  L O O K

I am in my last year of my 20's. How has this even happened? I feel like i've been ignoring this fact for a while and have just been plodding on with the year, but I thought it would be a good idea to stop for a moment and share all of the big and little things I have learnt over this period of my life.

I am a completely different person in my late 20's than I was in my early 20's and I still feel like I'm contently switching paths and maturing in different ways even week-to-week (I guess we are always doing that to be honest). But there are definitely a few things that I have realised and that have made me stop in my tracks and reaccess my life...In a good way.

Y O U   C A N T  D O  I T  A L L  B A B E S 

Wow, I spent so much of my 20's trying to be in control of EVERYTHING. Less so at the beginning when I was just post-uni and getting to grips with life but for the majority of this decade (wow) I really tried to be the perfect woman who looked like she had it all together.

I only realised that I was trying to do too much after having a baby - I think thats because it's such a huge life event that pushes you to your emotional limits, it's when I actually heard people saying to me - Just stop! Slow down.

Lets talk pre-baby though first because even before having a baby I was trying to work all day, make sure the house looked spotless, go to the gym so that I 'looked good', make sure I was always booked in for my next wax (HAH.), make sure Jason and I were having date nights and then I was also going through a bloody eating disorder at one point.

Some people might balance that all fine...but I am not one of those people! In your early/mid twenties I think it's normal to start to think, right, i'm in my 20's - I need to figure out who I am and what I want from life. I need to look like I have it together! I started going down that path but I didn't realise that even in your 40's/50's you might not be on top of everything...and thats fine!

Post-baby, I have learnt to let things go. I still find this a struggle sometimes because I can be a bit of a highly-strung person, but when you have a baby and you only have a certain amount of hours in the day to do things -  You just know that some things will go the way you want and some won't. It actually becomes a bit easier after having a kid because all you want is for them to be happy, so if you don't get the dishes done by 5pm...it just doesn't matter, having a cuddle with your little one is so much more important to you anyway.

Mostly your 20's are your 'free time' (especially if you plan on having kids). Do not stress!! I really wish I stopped trying quite so much. The world wasn't expecting anything of me in my early 20's. As long as I could pay my bills and my taxes there really was no stress.

Can I just say as a side-note. If you are looking to go the self-employed route post-uni or school then do look into Taxes and how they work. How much to save etc, This is a huge thing I wish I was taught or that someone explained to me early on!

T H E R E  A R E  T H I N G S  B I G G E R  T H A N  Y O U

My 20's have been one big span of me having my ego checked and this is one of the best things that can happen to you in my opinion.

In your teens you are mostly focused on yourself. Not even consciously, but you're thinking about your body, your studies, your future, your love life and your happiness. Thats fine, but as my 20's crept in I became increasingly aware that it wasn't just me that I needed to be focusing on (Shock-horror coming from a millennial).

I never used to watch the news. I'd always say that it is too negative and that it is all just propaganda and lies (some of it I still believe is tbh) but as I matured i've realised that I need to be staying informed of current events, I need to be aware of what is going on in the world. There are bigger things than me.

I have found these thoughts a bit hypocritical as i've gotten older and sometimes I feel a bit uncomfortable with running platforms that are just about myself and my thoughts. Social media and the age of the 'selfie'. I guess this is why we as a generation are often called self-obsessed but we have been born into an age of individualism and we didn't ask for that, we are acting accordingly and actually forming our own careers from it which is amazing, I just want to make sure i'm also doing something good from it.

The more I've realised that there are bigger things than me and  knowing that I have a platform, the more I have wanted to try to use my voice to help other people. My channel is beauty & lifestyle focused obviously but if I can help people alongside talking about those topics then that's what makes me feel accomplished at the end of the day.

Going forward into my 30's I want to be even more informed. I want to support and promote positive movements and discussions. I want to look more into sustainability and I want to bring my daughter up to be a confident, enlightened and well-rounded young lady.

Things don't just effect me anymore, I see the bigger picture now more than ever and am just trying, one day at a time to help where I can.

P E O P L E  D O N ' T  C A R E  A B O U T  Y O U  A S  M U C H  A S  Y O U  T H I N K

I actually mean this in a positive way.

I used to get anxious SO much in my early 20's. All I would think about was how people would perceive me, what impression I would make, what people would think of me. I slowly learnt that people really don't care as much as you think they do. I learnt that thinking SO much about what other people thought of me was actually weirdly narcissistic. Who was I to think people cared about me so much?!

I honestly do feel like it has taken the whole of my 20's to get to where I am now with anxiety so if you are struggling with it at the moment, know that it can go away with time and with effort. It's that old annoying cliche but the more I accepted the way that I am, the less I cared about what others might think or about awkward silences.

Yes, I giggle a lot, I can sometimes not have something to say, I can mess up my words and I can make an inappropriate joke or a joke that doesn't land right....so? I actually don't care that much anymore if someone thinks I have a weird sense of humour or if I am giggly. Thats the way I am and it's the way I like to be! Man I wish I had that mind-set at 22.

People have their own worries, their own issues and their own lives. They do not spend the whole of their evening annoyed because you said their pet dog's name slightly wrong in conversation (mostly. If they do...they are probably a sociopath. Run).

When I realised that people don't care as much as I thought they did, It was the most liberating feeling on earth and it allowed me to show my personality even more in social situations because...who cares?!

M A K E  A N  E F F O R T

Pre-20's it was very easy to see people. You would see them at home, at school or uni. You'd see them all the time.

You lived round the corner from them so plans didn't really need to be made. At the end of my 20's it is a very different story. With friends or with family I have to push myself to make the effort.

Not because I don't want to see people, more so because I've got so much going on in my life already it's so easy to collapse on the sofa in the evening and think 'sod it i'm just gonna watch Netflix, i'm knackered'. Before you know it it's been a month and you kind of...haven't seen anyone.

I work from home so this probably hits me a bit harder and when I go for a week or two without chatting to anyone other than my husband and my toddler I start to get a bit stir-crazy. You need to keep up other relationships too!

I've learnt that I just have to make the effort. Of course other people often make an effort too but I try for it not to be the other person always asking and in my last year of being a 20-something i'm really going to try to push myself to make more of an effort especially.

I'm guessing that as I go into my 30's the tiredness and the laziness will only kick up a notch so I need to get into the habit of really making time for people in my life. I don't want to look around and have no-one there one day!

Y O U  A R E N ' T  W H A T  Y O U  T H I N K

My final thought to share is that you don't have to be what you think you are.

I spent much of my 20's deciding who I was going to be in life and what my future was going to be. I tried to get my home decor a certain style so that it reflected who I was, I tried to get strict with my personal style so that I had an 'image'. I tried to act a bit more like how I thought I was supposed to act but it's pointless trying to mould yourself into one type of anything.

I have learnt to let go and to stop trying to control what I thought me and my life should be. I like what I like and sometimes that changes. If people start following me because of something I wear or do and I start not doing that thing anymore...thats okay. Thats quite normal. I shouldn't worry about hanging on to things that just arent 'me' anymore or trying to attain things to try to become a version of someone or something else.

I am always finding myself, as cheesy at that sounds. Sometimes I take one step forward and two steps back but, it doesn't matter, i'm allowed to make mistakes.

I don't need to have it all figured out in my 20's, even as a mum. After having Indie I felt like I should definitely seem like the perfect mum and shouldn't show any signs of weakness or struggle but I quickly learnt that that just isn't possible and it isn't realistic.

As many people have said, You honestly don't have to have everything figured out in your 20's. I wish more people had said this to me at 21. I wish someone had said:

'Chill out! You are so young. Get on your feet a bit and maybe head into a career that you have interest in (or travel if that's your thing) but don't think you have to do that one thing forever. Quit when you want to, change your mind when you want to. Stay at home all day and watch Netflix without guilt if you want to.

Eat as much pasta as you want, go on countless reckless nights out, put as much time and love into yourself as you can because one day you might not be able to quite as much as you can right now.'